Strictly Movies: [dvdrip] Manic Nurses Find Ecstasy

Cast: Hajni Brown, Csilla Farago, Nicole Gyony, Susanna Makay
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director: Emanuelle Kervyn

Bizzare, often perverse yarn about nurses in a metropolitan hospital who seduce then murder male patients.

Years later the team that created the stunningly gory Rabid Grannies got another one released in the States, by the same folks that fucked the shit out of their first one, no less (sorry, I’ll never forgive Troma for cutting the hell out of it). Too bad it sucks. Bad. Just, bad.

The title sure has promise, but then I should know better than that. Troma been well documented on having snazzy titles for shitty movies (Surf Nazis Must Die is a perfect example), but having been lured in by the promise of another classic from Emmanuel Kervyn I went for it like a freshwater trout to uh, whatever fishermen use to catch freshwater trout...

The story, told mostly by a droning narrator, obviously trying to sound like John Larroquette from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre intro, tells a story of a hospital that has been overrun by lingerie clad, gun bearing (not to mention breast baring) babes who kidnap folks and torture and kill them while having sex with each other. Sounds good enough on paper, anyway! Too bad this paper-thin premise dies a fast death with little of the exploitational value promised in the title is delivered.

The hospital is run by a dominatrix named Ilsa (I’m sure the reference is intentional) who has an illegitimate daughter who lives in her own world of really badly rendered war comics, since, as the narrator drones, her lust for a man has been repressed by the female community of the hospital. The extremely disjointed story concerns Ilsa’s desire to get her daughter into the swing of all things incestuous and clam-lapping and when unable to reach that goal all hell breaks loose. And the nurses kill a group of campers. Big wup.

Granted there are the occasional bits of grue: a camper hits a trip-wire that severs his feet from his legs, a shotgun blast to the head evaporates the cranium of a good samaritan, and, well, that’s about it really. There is a couple of nude scenes, but mostly they are shown in a way that tries to show as little as possible. Case in point is an interminably long sequence in which a few of the nurses watch a stripper who spends 10 loooooong minutes “dancing” without shedding a single piece of clothing and a swirley “hypnovision” style overlay covers the scene when she finally gets around to removing her top. All the while the narrator pontificates about white trash and the nature of sexual repression. Ugh! It's enough to make you want to just say "fuck it", chuck the disc in the trash and get on with your life.

Even for the minor bits of nudity and gore this boring, annoying mess should be avoided at all costs. Aside from The Fifth Element this is probably the biggest disappointment of the year.